Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Wake-up Call

Did you ever have one of those moments when things happen and you get the sense that God is speaking directly to you? I'm not usually vocal at all about my religion, and I don't mean to get all "God Squad" on you here, but this morning I got a wake-up call from God himself ;)

Yesterday was a bad day... I was feeling so sad and low... I could hardly get myself moving. Those feelings rolled right over into this morning. I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was pushing me down and keeping me pinned to my bed. My body felt tense and heavy, my mind felt groggy, and my spirit felt broken and exhausted. I couldn't move if I tried, and even John noticed that I was struggling. He turned the lights on to try and wake me up, and I snapped at him to turn them off and leave me alone. I'm not the type of person who can just roll out of bed in the morning and walk out the door; I need time to go through my morning routine (shower, breakfast, hair & make-up, walk the dogs). The clock was ticking down and I didn't care that I wouldn't have enough time to do it all.

After John reluctantly left for work, I picked up my phone to look at my Facebook newsfeed. Among the usual filigree that you'd find on your newsfeed, there were two posts that caught my eye immediately:
  1. New York Road Runners (NYRR)'s Post:
    "NYRR has been a significant part of my life for the past year. I began to work on my 9+1 credits early this January, with steady races scheduled up until about June. I found out this summer that I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer... that limited my ability to run for some time. After the dust settled a bit... I realized that I still had to complete my credits to qualify for next year's Marathon. What better way to say 'I kicked cancer's butt' than by running the New York City Marathon the following year? This will be a tough completion to the 9+1, but I feel like pulling through will mean so much more to me this time around than if I did not have these obstacles. Thanks for the inspiration! And I can't WAIT to run the Marathon next year!" - Lauren J.
  2. Twinkie's Post on IDOB:
    "After yet another 'ghost line' this morning on a wondfo, I was convinced that these must be evaps. I dipped a FRER [to] confirm my suspicions and a second line popped up right away! I think I got my BFP this morning! I can't believe it, I am still in shock. It's light, but no squinting necessary..."
I don't know if I can fully describe how these two posts made me feel, but I'm going to try. Here I am, feeling sorry for myself, feeling shattered, broken, and hopeless, and there is Lauren J telling her story of hope and triumph. She's fighting hard to kick cancer's ass. She has been dealt a hand far sucky-er (suckier? Just go with it) than mine, yet she's not laying down and admitting defeat. She WILL run the NYC Marathon next year. And I WILL run the NYC Marathon again in the future. 

Then there's Twinkie... Girl, I know you're probably reading this, so I'll try to keep from getting too mushy. But in all honesty, Twinkie, you are my hero lately! I've been stalking your blog ever since you started it, and had been keeping up with you on IDOB and TB long before that. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her story, here's the cliff notes version: Twinkie recently went through IVF#1. Everything was going fine until right before her transfer... none of her embryos made it to transfer. She did not let this keep her down. She got right back in there for IVF#2. You ever hear that cliche "It only takes one" ?? Well, that's true in this case. Twinkie had literally one embryo make it to transfer and none of the rest made it to freeze. And that's the one that took and is showing that glorious little pink line today!! Twinkie, I'm SO HAPPY for you! You gave me hope when I really thought I was tapped out... seeing your post today literally brought me to tears (tears of joy, hope and inspiration). I am praying that your beta goes well!!

So there you have it. God did speak to me this morning. He made it possible for those two posts to be there right when I needed to see them the most. He made it possible for Lauren J and Twinkie to have a miracle today. It was like he reached through my cell phone screen himself and said, "Cici... get yer ass outta bed. You are a warrior. Miracles happen everyday, and yours is coming soon." 

And you know what? Miracles do happen everyday. Today, mine is that I got out of bed and made it to work (somehow early... I don't know how!!). 


  1. Hugs to you Cici. Know that you are an inspiration to others. The strength it takes to be positive in the face of defeat is amazing. <3

  2. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I think you are awesome and I am always rooting for you! Like Becky said, you are inspiration to others (myself included). Glad you got the motivation you needed this morning to get out of bed and tackle the day! ((HUGS))

  3. I should just copy and paste Becky's post. Seriously Cici, I have been reading your blog for quite some time, as well as stalking you on TB and IDOB and you give me such hope and inspiration, I owe you a huge thank you. I don't know if you realize how strong and amazing you are all the time, but I will make it my goal to remind you, especially when you're doubting yourself, because I never am. <3

  4. Wow... girls, I wasn't fishing for compliments (really!!!), but thank you SO MUCH for saying those wonderful things. Sometimes it can be so easy to forget the positive when you're in the thick of it... I most certainly have lost a lot of confidence thanks to IF. But thank you for reminding me and supporting me through this!!!

    "Run when you can, walk if you need to, crawl if you must... just never give up!" (quote credit to Dean Karnazes). I feel like we should add to it to say, "Run when you can, walk if you need to, crawl if you must... and when you can't take another step, your friends will pick you up and carry you until you can go on again." (I think that's the way Sueann911 put it in my blog a few weeks ago!) I could not be more grateful for you ladies right now!! <3

  5. Gah! Why must you make me cry?! <3 <3 <3

  6. Seriously, eh, chickin?! I'm sitting at my desk doing the hands-waving-in-my-face thing to stop the tears! We are always here for you Cici, I love the quote, especially the addition at the end, because it's absolutely true. <3