Yesterday was a bad day... I was feeling so sad and low... I could hardly get myself moving. Those feelings rolled right over into this morning. I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was pushing me down and keeping me pinned to my bed. My body felt tense and heavy, my mind felt groggy, and my spirit felt broken and exhausted. I couldn't move if I tried, and even John noticed that I was struggling. He turned the lights on to try and wake me up, and I snapped at him to turn them off and leave me alone. I'm not the type of person who can just roll out of bed in the morning and walk out the door; I need time to go through my morning routine (shower, breakfast, hair & make-up, walk the dogs). The clock was ticking down and I didn't care that I wouldn't have enough time to do it all.
After John reluctantly left for work, I picked up my phone to look at my Facebook newsfeed. Among the usual filigree that you'd find on your newsfeed, there were two posts that caught my eye immediately:
- New York Road Runners (NYRR)'s Post:
"NYRR has been a significant part of my life for the past year. I began to work on my 9+1 credits early this January, with steady races scheduled up until about June. I found out this summer that I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer... that limited my ability to run for some time. After the dust settled a bit... I realized that I still had to complete my credits to qualify for next year's Marathon. What better way to say 'I kicked cancer's butt' than by running the New York City Marathon the following year? This will be a tough completion to the 9+1, but I feel like pulling through will mean so much more to me this time around than if I did not have these obstacles. Thanks for the inspiration! And I can't WAIT to run the Marathon next year!" - Lauren J.
- Twinkie's Post on IDOB:
"After yet another 'ghost line' this morning on a wondfo, I was convinced that these must be evaps. I dipped a FRER [to] confirm my suspicions and a second line popped up right away! I think I got my BFP this morning! I can't believe it, I am still in shock. It's light, but no squinting necessary..."
I don't know if I can fully describe how these two posts made me feel, but I'm going to try. Here I am, feeling sorry for myself, feeling shattered, broken, and hopeless, and there is Lauren J telling her story of hope and triumph. She's fighting hard to kick cancer's ass. She has been dealt a hand far sucky-er (suckier? Just go with it) than mine, yet she's not laying down and admitting defeat. She WILL run the NYC Marathon next year. And I WILL run the NYC Marathon again in the future.
Then there's Twinkie... Girl, I know you're probably reading this, so I'll try to keep from getting too mushy. But in all honesty, Twinkie, you are my hero lately! I've been stalking your blog ever since you started it, and had been keeping up with you on IDOB and TB long before that. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her story, here's the cliff notes version: Twinkie recently went through IVF#1. Everything was going fine until right before her transfer... none of her embryos made it to transfer. She did not let this keep her down. She got right back in there for IVF#2. You ever hear that cliche "It only takes one" ?? Well, that's true in this case. Twinkie had literally one embryo make it to transfer and none of the rest made it to freeze. And that's the one that took and is showing that glorious little pink line today!! Twinkie, I'm SO HAPPY for you! You gave me hope when I really thought I was tapped out... seeing your post today literally brought me to tears (tears of joy, hope and inspiration). I am praying that your beta goes well!!
So there you have it. God did speak to me this morning. He made it possible for those two posts to be there right when I needed to see them the most. He made it possible for Lauren J and Twinkie to have a miracle today. It was like he reached through my cell phone screen himself and said, "Cici... get yer ass outta bed. You are a warrior. Miracles happen everyday, and yours is coming soon."
And you know what? Miracles do happen everyday. Today, mine is that I got out of bed and made it to work (somehow early... I don't know how!!).