Monday, August 5, 2013
I'm getting so tired of the emotional roller coaster that goes along with IF. I wonder if it'll ever even out. If I'll ever be able to get off this ride. It's bumpy and makes me sick. I did not sign up for this!
I'm on a break cycle, but I guess there's no such thing as a break from infertility. It's a diagnosis and experience that will scar you for life. I wonder if I'll ever be "the same" after the hard part eventually blows over.
But maybe the whole purpose of this journey is that you're not supposed to go back to being the same person you were before. My marriage will never be what it was prior to all of this madness. But I've never felt so connected and in sync with my husband as I do now. The truth is, this journey does make us stronger.
Every ache and pain of IF is like a stab to the heart. It stings, it shatters, it breaks you. But then you start to heal. A scab forms and new tissue grows back. You toughen up, and you come back stronger. Until the next time when IF takes you lower than you thought was even possible... but the lower you go... the stronger you come back. It has to work like that. I must believe that's the way it goes. There's no other way to persevere through this unless the above is true.
What do you think? What is the purpose of this journey? I believe everything happens for a reason and there's a lesson in everything if you slow down enough to take it in... I can't wrap my head around it quite yet, but one day... this will all make sense.
Posted by RunDreamer at 6:15 PM