The days between ER and ET are the most difficult, excruciating days. I am doing everything in my power to fight off the negative chatter in my mind. I'm trying to keep myself from thinking the worst... It is very, very challenging.
I was actually doing a decent job of keeping myself together. I spent the whole day on the couch yesterday. I was so uncomfortable... yuck. Today, thankfully, I feel better. I went to church, met with a few girlfriends for manicures and lunch (LOVE YOU, JERSEY DREAMERS!!), picked up some groceries, and had a nice, long chat with a dear friend. I was doing great!
And then I opened my email and saw this...
|The email I got tonight.... And the pineapple whose core will be consumed! STICKY NINJAS!!|
I wish that I hadn't read this email tonight... during this very frail time when I'm just hoping that my embryos are still alive. I wish that she would have told me a week ago. Or a week later. But I have no control over when people announce their happy news.
Maybe that's what I am supposed to be learning from this... that things are tough right now, but life goes on. Even though I am stuck, the rest of the world is moving on. Maybe God is testing me to show me how strong I really am.
Whatever the case may be, I am putting this out there. It has been vented. And now, I'm walking away from it. I am going to go do my Circle+Bloom, and move on. I need to focus on my embryos, my transfer, my family.
::breathe in:: ... ::breathe out::