Friday, September 13, 2013


CD2. I went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. My right ovary is still big and full from the last cycle, so I'm going on BCPs for the next 10-14 days to rest my ovaries. The doctors will have a meeting on Monday to decide on all the IVF patients' protocols. My case will be discussed. Then we'll find out what's going on at our orientation on Wednesday. The nurse gave me a packet of all the forms so we can read them over in advance and come prepared with any questions.

All of the physical elements are coming together, but I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming flood of emotions. I thought I had dealt with it all and came to peace about all this, but the constant trickle of tears today tells me it runs deeper than I had thought.

I know it's impossible to control my emotions, but I wish I had a little more control over turning off the waterworks. I cried while walking the dogs. I cried while driving to my appointment. I cried while sitting in the waiting room. I cried while talking to the nurse before she drew my blood. I cried when I paid for my BCPs. That's a lot of crying to take place in less than three hours.

I don't really know what else to do but to keep moving forward. Even if each step leaves a trail of tears, at least I'm going somewhere.


  1. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I'm sorry this is all so difficult. I can relate to feeling like you've come to terms with something, only to be hit with the reality and emotions of it all over again. You are moving forward, you are stronger than you know, and when you're not feeling strong, lean on us until you do. <3 (((hugs)))

  2. J said exactly what I wanted to say (only more eloquently). I am right there with you. Sending big hugs your way.