Surrender

I went to my RE's monthly support meeting last night. At this point, I'll take anything I can get; I figured it couldn't hurt. Two of the nurses ran the meeting, and perhaps with the date being sandwiched in between two holidays it hurt attendance... I was the only patient to show up. I'm so glad I went!

We talked about a lot of things: my TTC journey, my treatment history, stress management, my husband's role in all of this, so on and so on. They even offered a lot of information about IVF when I told them that would be our next step if this cycle doesn't pan out.

The biggest thing I took away from the meeting was that when things are so far out of our control, sometimes the only thing you can do is surrender. The tighter you hold your grip, the more things seem to spiral out of control. So instead of grasping at straws, surrender.

As a lifetime over-acheiver, I am not accustomed to "giving up." I have run 10 marathons, most of which the thought has crossed my mind to give up before reaching the finish line. Through my training, I have conditioned my body and mind to persevere... never give up. But through my sub-4:00, house hunting and IF journey I am starting to see that you don't have to give up in order to surrender.

I surrender to infertility; I trust in God's timing and I know he will take care of us. I surrender running while TTC; I know it will be there for me when I get through this. I surrender. This is not admitting defeat, rather opening myself to the possibility of a miracle.