Letting Go of a Dream...

As anyone who is fighting a battle will tell you, some days you are up and some days you are down. This wild roller coaster called infertility is no joke. The highs are really high (though I can only imagine because I haven't come close to the 'finish line'), and the lows are deplorably low (with which I am intimately aware). The extremes are indescribable.

Today happens to be an "up day" for me. I had a good day at work, got some important things scratch off of the never ending to do list, spent some QT with the dogs, and just enjoyed a run with Coda. Now I'm sitting here catching up on my Facebook news feed as I wait for John to get home with our sushi dinner (yay!!) before I go across the street for some wine with the neighbors (double yay!!).

As I was scrolling along, I came across a link to Kara Goucher's most recent blog post, Run the Edge. Incase you don't know, Kara Goucher is an American elite marathon runner. She's seriously badass, and one of my all-time heroes. She is also a mother and eluded to her struggles with infertility in her book, "Running for Women."

The gist of her blog post today was that she has decided to drop out of the upcoming NYC Marathon. According to her blog, 2013 has not been a good year for running, and she felt she owed it to herself to get to the starting line of her next marathon at the peak of her fitness.

I am so sorry to hear that Kara had to make this difficult decision, but it makes her seem more... human. Even the pros have good times and bad times, ups and downs, highs and lows. I'm pretty bummed that I won't get to cheer her on from the sidelines at the NYC Marathon this year, but then again, I'm still pretty bummed that I had to make the same decision to let go of a dream. On November 3rd, my heart will be at Fort Wadsworth, crossing the Verrazano Bridge, making a journey through all five boroughs... and my body will be on the sidelines, putting on a happy face as I watch a dozen of my friends run by.

At this moment, I am reminded that when we are forced to let go of a dream in the face of infertility, we are not quitters. We are merely surrendering at the moment with the hopes that something even better lies ahead. That doesn't make us quitters. It makes us champions, because we have the courage to try.

On November 3rd, my heart will be on the marathon course, but maybe, just maybe, I'll have a reason to hold back the tears. It is possible that I could be pregnant... chills just went through my whole body typing that. And even if I'm not, I will do my best to remember that I am a champion, and not even infertility can take that away from me.