Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I'm Keeping My Eyes on the Prize

Or at least I'm trying. It seems to be a constant ebb and flow. One minute, I'm smiling, seeing the positive, happy. The next minute, I'm down in the dumps, everything's negative, despair.

Seriously, what is with the mood swings?! Ugh.

DH & I had an interesting conversation tonight at dinner. He doesn't talk about his feelings very often, and lately it seems like I'm always a blubbering mess while he is cool as a cucumber. I know that men and women just process things differently. And the two of us have always been on complete opposite extremes of the overly sensitive to insensitive spectrum (take a wild guess which one I am, HA!). 

He told me that he does want a baby now, but not in the same way that I do. He is still able to see the positives of being child-free at the moment. For example, the ten four-year-olds wildly running around Michael's birthday party on Sunday... DH saw that as an eye opening moment. When Michael has a melt-down and my brother has to discipline his child, he thinks, "Thank god I don't have to worry about that right now!" 

Me, on the other hand... I welcome all of the aches and pains of parenthood with open arms. I want to be a mother so badly that I'll take the good with the bad (and sometimes ugly... I'm not saying I will like it when my kid has a temper tantrum in the middle of a public place, but, hey, they're kids. Tantrums happen. A parent's job is never ending). As a matter of fact, it actually breaks my heart to hear pregnant women complain about the discomforts and inconveniences of pregnancy. I'd sacrifice almost anything to be pregnant.

Nonetheless, we both want the same thing: a family. He's just better at seeing the positive than I am. And he is much more patient. I am trying. It is hard. So when my mood swings to the dark side, I do my best to stop myself from destructive thinking, distract myself, and move on. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize. I will be a mother very soon.

1 comment:

  1. I always have to remind myself that "just because it's not happening for me right now does not mean that it will never happen", and that usually makes me feel a bit more at ease. My DH seems to be much better at looking at the positive side of things too. Sometimes that's great and sometimes it's MORE frustrating because I feel like he's being unrealistic. Sigh. The ups & downs sometimes feel never-ending. I'm right there with you.