Friday, May 24, 2013

I hear you loud and clear!

It seems that the universe doesn't believe me though. I'm a teacher in a K-6 building, and I passed by a 6th grade classroom this morning on my way to the copy room. The door was open and the class was in the midst of watching a health video about conception. I caught sight of the huge diagram of a uterus, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries. And there goes that pretty little egg making its way to the uterine wall for implantation. I stopped dead in my tracks, eyes bugging out of my head, jaw on the floor.

Really?! I'm doing my best to stay distracted while riding out the 2WW, but I can't escape it. Sigh.

I shook it off and decided to move on. About five steps later, Elaine calls after me. I didn't even realize that she was around to see my shellshocked reaction. There aren't many people at work who know what I've been going through, mostly because I've been holing myself away in my classroom. Antisocial, yes. But it's a survival technique I've adopted to guard my emotions with five pregnant colleagues running around the building ("There must be something in the water!" ...if I hear that one more time I might just reach out and throat punch someone!). In the moment, I decided to open up to Elaine and let her know exactly why I found the video so upsetting.

At first she didn't understand what I was trying to say. She recommended that I talk to another colleague who apparently had a hard time trying to conceive her two kids. As Elaine was telling me, this colleague tried every imaginable home remedy before it finally worked. I politely told her that we were already passed all that, we have been trying for over a year with no success, and are undergoing treatments with a fertility specialist.

As soon as I told her that, she got right on the same page as me and offered prayers. Hell yes, I'll take those prayers! And now I feel so good knowing that I have another friend at work who knows I'm struggling and has my back. It feels so good to be supported.

After moving on, I decided to focus on the positive: it is possible that we had conception just two days ago. Maybe, just maybe, I have a little zygote in there dividing and growing. Maybe it's on its way to my uterine wall trying to steak out some prime real estate. Please, please, please!! And while I'm asking for things, I'd like to request that the cutie little zygote steer clear of the top of my arcuate uterus. I'd just be able to rest easier throughout a pregnancy knowing that it has a better shot of getting through all nine months (part of me still worries that my ute is septate which is really scary. There's a very high risk of miscarriage if the baby implants on the septum because it's not an oxygen-rich part of the uterus).

I hope and pray this is happening right now!!
Ok, now I'm off to distract myself again. But first, a little chant ;)
Divide, Zygote, divide!

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