Monday, April 4, 2016


CD1 should be coming along soon, and I am feeling especially sappy tonight. I must have cried at least four times while watching DWTS (love that show!! So much passion!!). And now I'm laying here before bed thinking and breathing... And tearing up?! All signs point to hormones pulling all the stops! 

It's alright. Once CD1 is here, I'll call my nurse and we'll get on with our FET. It has been 10 months since I birthed my beautiful, still daughter. When her little body came out of mine, I felt empty in every way. My uterus, my heart, my soul... She took them all to heaven with her, and I was a broken shell of my old self. And like a butterfly, I went through a magnificent transformation. Somehow, I came out of the darkness as a better, more whole person. It was brutal and painful and dark and grueling. And it still hurts everyday to think about it all. I miss my babies so, very much. I could never put into words how isolating and deafening the pain was. Is. Sometimes, I step back and wonder how I endured it all... Was that really me who went through all of that?

I am looking forward to my next cycle. I simply cannot wait to meet my precious little ninja squirrel. I am so hopeful that s/he will make it into our arms. I have faith that his/her big brother and sister will guide us all. S/he truly has the best guardian angels in all of existence. 

And there go the tears again!

I ran a half marathon with my best friend this past weekend. It was awesome! The opportunity to spend the past few months doing the thing I love with the support of the people I love... It's beautiful! I have one more race this upcoming weekend before I hang up my racing shoes for what I hope will be a happy & healthy nine months. I am looking forward to meeting up with some long lost internet friends for the first time too!!

And one last thing: I made a promise to share a picture of the artwork created by my little sister. Here it is... It is so special to me. And breathtaking. I just love it!!