My Feelings on Becoming a Mother

I have been diligently completing the Circle+Bloom Mind+Body Program for IVF/IUI. Currently, I am repeating the tracks for CD13+14 which are meant to be used between ER and ET. Following the body awareness and relaxation exercise, each track leads you through a guided visualization.

Today's visualization was to imagine yourself pregnant, then holding your baby, then watching her grow into a small child. The point of this was to identify how you feel. Do you harbor any negative feelings about becoming a mother? Any possible impediments that are blocking the process?

No, infact, I have no fears about becoming a mother aside from the possibility that I may not become one. When I visualize myself pregnant, holding my baby, hugging my toddler, nurturing my child, admiring my teenager, adoring my young adult... I am filled with so much gratitude and love, my heart could burst. I am so proud of how beautiful my child is. I see a beautiful person on the inside and outside, and it makes me so happy that I am brought to tears.

The program guides you to take those feelings and place them in your opened hand. Look at them nonjudgmentally from all angles. I see a small, glowing, purple heart. Then the program tells you that it is ok to keep those feelings outside your body. But that's not where I will carry mine. I placed it back inside of my heart, and point it towards our five embryos who are growing in a dish right now. I want to bathe them in this positive, loving energy.

Dearest Embryos,
     I pray that you are growing at this very moment into four perfect cells each. I pray that each of you has minimal fragmentation, and will continue to flourish over the next several days into perfect blastocysts. I pray that at least one of you is the child I imagined above. You hold so much potential within you. You are already a miracle and deeply loved by your mother and father. Please focus on getting big and strong, and remember that I am always here for you.

Love always,
Your Mama