Saturday, August 1, 2015


I scream until my voice is raw. The tears in my eyes don't flow anymore. I guess I cried them all out. Either that, or the Sjögren's is mocking me with my chronic dry eyes. 

There is no way to describe this pain. I am exposed, and there is no shelter. I begged God to take me today. The hurt in my heart is unbearable. He did not answer my prayer. Like so many prayers before, this one went unanswered. 

Just when I think I have healed a little bit, something happens to rip away the scab. My wound is raw again, gushing. 

Rosa's EDD is on Tuesday. I am unraveling because of this. Not that I had it together to begin with. I miss her. And I miss Robin. I miss my babies. 


  1. All I know of you CC is from your blog yet the pain you express cuts me to the core. I think because our journeys were so similar at the start then changed when you lost your precious babies. I am just so so sorry for your losses and for the intense and savage pain you must endure. I know your grief will not disappear but I hope each day gets easier on you and you feel the love that you have for your little ones as happy feelings rather than raw pain. I am so sorry xoxo

  2. i am so sorry that you are hurting. i wish that things worked out better yesterday so that I could have thrown punches in the air with you. I am sure one of us might have fallen -- but knowig you, it would be with such grace. I hope that you will heal in time and it won't hurt so much. Love you.

  3. I think about you and J, Robin and Rosa every day. I am so sorry for the unimaginable heartache and grief. I love you, dear friend. Sending love and hugs ❤️