IUI #5 is officially in the books. As I said in previous posts, I am officially guarding my heart and am at peace with the probability that this won't work. I am NOT at peace with how intensely my ovaries are hurting me. I'm telling you: the ovulation pains from several follicles is far greater than anything I've experienced in all three of my IVF cycles. Ouch :-/
The good news is that it will pass. And I was able to take the day off from work so I can cuddle my dogs on the couch. As a teacher, it is not possible to just gut my way through the work day. Could you imagine?! The kids would be running circles around me saying, 'Mrs. Z, why are you laying on the floor?!'
The technical info for those of you who care to know ;) ovulation pains made it pretty clear that the timing of the IUI was absolutely perfect. Post-wash left us with a decent sample of 13.5 million swimmers to go after our 3-8 possible targets (don't worry, given our history and what we know from our poor embryo quality as demonstrated in all three IVF cycles, the chances of this working or for me becoming the next Octomom are slim to none).
I made a conclusion today... I am usually a 'never say never' kind of girl, so don't hold me to it, okay? I don't want to do this ever again. The physical pain is significant. And the emotional anguish... going through all of this hassle with regular blood work and ultrasounds, giving myself shots and taking hormones, allowing my ovaries to dictate my running life, and the intense pain of ovulation... all for something that I believe in my heart will not pay off. It's just hard to keep going like this. Perhaps I will talk to my doctor about doing an unmedicated IUI for the next one. It just hurts so damn much. And I really don't think it's improving our chances by enough to make the difference.
Anyways, like I've said before, I am still praying for a miracle. Why not pray for this to be it? I'm trying anyway. But I have found comfort in our 'plan' for the future. Regardless how this cycle turns out, I am reassured by the faith that something will work out.