Tuesday, December 8, 2015

"The Plan"

It's been a while since I've been on here with any regularity... life has been beyond description. Anxiety, depression, confusion, happiness, joy, hopefulness, hopelessness... the emotional palate has been comprehensive and rich with depth and intensity. It is difficult to keep up with it all, so I have been staying off the interwebs in an effort to salvage my sanity :) I feel like I'm in a good spot, so here I am with a little status update!

Physical Health
At my last rheumatologist appointment, the doctor kept using the word "lupus." Here's where a lot of confusion has always set in: the doctors have always said that I don't have it, but that they're keeping me on their radar. Well, my head started spinning, and finally I interjected and said, "Do I have lupus?" The doctor explained that my C3 is low which could possibly be the Sjogren's, but she suspects that it is lupus activity :( She said that I am flaring right now, so I am on a course of prednisone. Hopefully, that will help to clear things up. Since then, I have been taking into account all the symptoms I've been feeling... muscle pain, muscle stiffness, joint pain, fatigue, brain fog... It is scary to think about where this could be heading, so I've been redirecting those thoughts so they don't get away from me.

Emotional Wellbeing
Things have been tricky in this department. All of my scars from the past.... infertility and loss have really taken a toll on me. Add on top of it that we're still dealing with infertility along with autoimmune diseases... it's a lot to manage. I feel like I'm in a good spot at the moment. I've been working really hard to untangle the mess and to try to find some form of balance in my life. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up :)

"The Plan"
I am on CD15/1dpo on our last natural cycle before we get going again. We tried our best with the hopes of a spontaneous conception, but we are keeping our hopes in check with reality. Let the record show that we are open to the miracle if that should be the way we are to go :) But at the same time, we have a plan for our next FET, and that gives me a lot of hope. That is my anchor right now. Here's the rough timeline of "the plan."

  • 12/19 - CD1, call my nurse
  • 12/21 - CD3, blood work to establish baseline, start BCPs
  • 12/29 - hysteroscopy, cross fingers that this is simple and smooth!
  • 1/22 - come off BCPs, start FET cycle
  • 2/12 - meet one of our ninja squirrels :)

I'm sending lots of love & light out there for anyone who is reading this! Take care of yourselves!!