Sunday, May 11, 2014

Saying Goodbye

I wrote a letter to Ninja today to say goodbye. The nine weeks that we had our ninja were so special. I went to visit her at the clinic everyday. I would sit in the parking lot, playing music from my car stereo, doing my Circle+Bloom meditations, and talking to her. I always looked forward to our time each day, and it was truly the highlight of my day for those seven weeks before our transfer.

The view from my sunroof when I would visit Ninja & meditate
I was truly happy when Ninja was with us. I really believed that she would be our baby. I told her when I was driving home on beta day that I wouldn't be mad with her no matter what happened. I know she tried her best, and so did I. We all did.

I believe that her soul will come back to us again, and we will be happy once more. It might not be the way in which we imagined... I never in my wildest dreams thought that we'd get through three IVF cycles like this.

I love you, Ninja. I miss you. Please don't be mad at us for moving on. We will never forget you and hope to see you again soon in happier times.

10 comments:

  1. ((Hugs)) CiCi. I'm so, so sorry that frosty ninja was not able to hang around any longer. I'm keeping you in my thoughts. <3 you

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    1. Thank you, PF <3 I wished with all my heart that Frosty Ninja would be the one. It is time to let go. I will not forget her.

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  2. (((hugs))) Love you, Cici <3

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    1. I can't wait to see you REALLY SOON to give you an IRL hug!!!!!!

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  3. Sending you so much love Cici! ((HUGS))

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    1. Thank you, FM. I'm sending you hugs too <3

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  4. This letter breaks my heart! I'm so sorry she's gone and that you're forced to move on. I understand your pain. Hugs!

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    1. <3 We were planning to bury the letter on Mother's Day, but something within told me 'not yet.' I've been adding a few entries since then and will continue to do so until the time feels right.

      I know you of all people understand this pain, Jessah, and I am so sorry that you do. Sending love & hugs <3

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  5. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think of you often and am sending you so much love and positive vibes. <3 <3

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    1. Thank you, TTU. I have been thinking of you too, and hoping that everything is going well for you & yours! Lots of love to you <3

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