Missing My Babies

37 weeks. I would have been 37 weeks pregnant this week. I should have my twins in my arms at this very moment. I am so sad that I lost it all. How cruel to take a baby from a mother in any way, shape or form. I feel like my babies were taken in a way that was meant to hurt and torture me as much as possible. Slowly and methodically, fate kept the losses coming. Just as I would come close to accepting one horrible truth, the ground would drop out from under me yet again. I miss Robin... I hate that day in December when Dr. J said he couldn't find the second heartbeat. And Rosa.... Rosa, Rosa, Rosa... I miss her so much. Watching her make my belly dance, those were the best times. I would wonder if she had a treadmill in there with her. She moved so much! Then to stand by and feel so helpless as things went so wrong... I hate that no one could do anything to save her. Why couldn't we save her? Why couldn't I save her? 

I miss my babies.