IUI #5 is officially in the books. As I said in previous posts, I am officially guarding my heart and am at peace with the probability that this won't work. I am NOT at peace with how intensely my ovaries are hurting me. I'm telling you: the ovulation pains from several follicles is far greater than anything I've experienced in all three of my IVF cycles. Ouch :-/
The good news is that it will pass. And I was able to take the day off from work so I can cuddle my dogs on the couch. As a teacher, it is not possible to just gut my way through the work day. Could you imagine?! The kids would be running circles around me saying, 'Mrs. Z, why are you laying on the floor?!'
The technical info for those of you who care to know ;) ovulation pains made it pretty clear that the timing of the IUI was absolutely perfect. Post-wash left us with a decent sample of 13.5 million swimmers to go after our 3-8 possible targets (don't worry, given our history and what we know from our poor embryo quality as demonstrated in all three IVF cycles, the chances of this working or for me becoming the next Octomom are slim to none).
I made a conclusion today... I am usually a 'never say never' kind of girl, so don't hold me to it, okay? I don't want to do this ever again. The physical pain is significant. And the emotional anguish... going through all of this hassle with regular blood work and ultrasounds, giving myself shots and taking hormones, allowing my ovaries to dictate my running life, and the intense pain of ovulation... all for something that I believe in my heart will not pay off. It's just hard to keep going like this. Perhaps I will talk to my doctor about doing an unmedicated IUI for the next one. It just hurts so damn much. And I really don't think it's improving our chances by enough to make the difference.
Anyways, like I've said before, I am still praying for a miracle. Why not pray for this to be it? I'm trying anyway. But I have found comfort in our 'plan' for the future. Regardless how this cycle turns out, I am reassured by the faith that something will work out.
I fell how tired you are in this post and I'm sorry you're in that place. I hope you find the strength you need to keep going and have hope. Thinking of you and hoping you get your miracle very soon!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jessah! Tired, yes. But at peace. I don't think these IUIs are the way for us, but I'm hopeful that there's something out there for us!
DeleteI am glad all went well and I hope your ovaries stop aching soon. I had a love/hate relationship with the ache; I loved knowing my ovaries were working but hated that I just couldn't get comfortable or get my mind off it, no matter what. Sending lots of love and good vibes your way!
ReplyDeleteMy relationship with my ovaries are all hate/hate! LOL! All that racket and nothing to show for it! Most days, I wish I could have them removed from my body!
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ReplyDeleteI wish I could come over there and give you a huge hug. Reading this makes me so sad for you. But I am seriously hoping that you get your miracle <3
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks Packer <3 Amazingly, I am at peace with it all. I don't expect a miracle anytime soon, but I have resolved to carry on with my life.
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