Sneaky Ninja

Where has Cici been? I guess I dropped off the face of the earth in terms of this blog, and now it's time to fess up!!

I... 

Am...

PREGNANT!!!!!

It is amazing to write that out loud, and I am excited to publish it to the Internet. Holy crap, it still doesn't feel real!! 

I have been absent for so long around here, so let's go back in time for a quick recap of the past four months. 

October - Precycle with the RE and Dr. KK. It.was.intense. I kid you not, I was seeing practitioners at least three times a week from this point on. Holy cow. I started medications the first week of October and had A MILLION vials of blood drawn to make sure the protocol was going according to plan. I started the Lupron phase on October 27th, and it was all zoom zoom from there!

November - the stim phase started on November 1st. I had to make a trip out to see Dr. KK in Chicago on November 7th and by some miracle, my uterus was looking great, follicles were doing their thing. Our egg retrieval was on November 11th and.... cue tears.... NINETEEN EGGS WERE RETRIEVED. This next part is the part that always had me up in knots... The time from ER to ET... I have legitimate PTSD from this part... But it all went amazingly well!!! Our Day 1 report was as good as it could be... SEVENTEEN EGGS MATURE, ALL FERTILIZED!!! The next five days, I did everything I could to not lose my mind. November 16th was our transfer.... We transferred two gorgeous blastocysts. I cannot begin to describe the love in my heart for these bundles of cells... The emotions were and are overwhelming. 

The two week wait...... The plan was to go beta or bust, but the night before our blood test I had some spotting and FREAKED OUT. We took a HPT at 12:34 in the morning on November 24th and IT WAS POSITIVE!!!!

December - betas were rising nicely, and we had several ultrasounds to see that things were progressing along for a TWIN PREGNANCY. Overjoyed does not touch it. I had always dreamed of being a twin mama. I truly feel it is in my destiny. Sadly, it didn't last long... On December 22nd, the RE couldn't find the second heartbeat :( We fall amongst the 30% of twin pregnancies that experience vanishing twin syndrome. Devastated. We were and are devastated by this loss. Our sweet Angel Ninja... 

Thankfully, the surviving twin is going strong, though it was a shaky two weeks because s/he was measuring behind. Our RE discussed a "guarded prognosis" with us... Christmas was ruined. We were so scared. 

January - we grieved and will always continue to grieve the loss of Angel Ninja right along side the other significant losses we have experienced on this bumpy road... Frostie Ninja... All the arrested embryos from IVF #1-3... Specifically #2 when we didn't even make it to transfer. Our hearts have been broken so many times over the past two years, and we will forever carry those scars with us. 

Today, January 25th, I am 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I can't adequately describe the overwhelming feelings that brings on... Joy, fear, relief, paranoia, excitement, happiness.... So many feelings and all intense. We pray every day that August 2015 brings us a real, live, happy, healthy baby. Our baby. I get all choked up thinking about it... 

And then I look at that picture... Or listen to the sweet sounds of his/her heartbeat on the doppler... And all of the stress melts away. I love this Ninja so, very much. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him/her.