Feeling Like Myself Again

And how you might ask? Well, running of course :)

When we first started our treatments with the RE one year ago, I had to cut my training back pretty significantly. For a while, I fought the uphill battle of trying to fit my training in during the 'safe' times of my cycle. This ended up causing more frustration and disappointment than anything.

Then when we started IVF in September 2013, it was another drastic cut to my already minimal training.

Running means so much to me. It is my saving grace, my mood equalizer, my source of strength and balance. It is my social outlet, my validation and confidence builder, my happy drug. So to take it away at the time I most needed it took a bad situation and made it worse.

After I recovered from my IVF #3 ER at the end of February, I started the difficult task of staging my running comeback. It was challenging and frustrating. Suddenly, I was a beginner again, starting at square one. Yet my experience and trophy room boasted 10 marathons, countless half marathons, and numerous 'victories' from shorter distances.

I had to come to peace with the fact that my speed and endurance were gone for the moment. But I did realize going through this that they would come back as long as I stuck with it.

But, man oh man, did it ever feel terrible! Every single run for the first three weeks felt absolutely awful. Lungs gasping, heart pounding, legs burning. And this was at a pace that was more than 2 minutes slower per mile from my previous 'easy pace.'

Even though it felt yucky, I knew with each run I was getting stronger. That part made me feel good.

Finally after three weeks, it started not to feel awful again. By the time I hit my five week mark, I had lost most of my IF weight. But I was still s.l.o.w. That's ok. One thing at a time!

Then I had to take a two week break from running for my FET. I was so focused on our precious Ninja that I didn't care that I wasn't running. I knew my fitness wasn't going anywhere.

After our crushing BFN, it would have been easy for me to slip into a deep depression. That spot on the couch with the carton of ice cream was looking good.

But something within told me to lace up and just get out there. Every fiber of my body screamed in protest, but I forced myself out the door.

It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I am not exaggerating when I say that I felt happier and lighter within my first stride.

Run, run, run. Repeat. That's what I've been doing for the past several weeks. And today, I get bragging rights!

My first caped race at the Superhero Half Marathon!

I am so proud of this medal. I worked hard to earn it.

Kicking it to the finish line never felt so good!