We're Coming Out

I've been thinking about it for a while, and it is looking pretty definite that we will be 'coming out' about our infertility this year during National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW).

I remember learning about NIAW for the first time last year as it was 'celebrated' from April 21st-27th. At the time, we were just getting started with the RE. Our initial consultation with the RE was on April 10th, and I had my HSG on April 22nd... (it is so deeply upsetting to know that we are coming up on our one year anniversary with the RE... a full year of aggressively pursuing those two lines, and not a chance that it'll happen for us within that year). I 'watched' with awe and admiration as fellow bumpies talked about how they pulled the trigger, took the plunge, and 'came out.' We ourselves were nowhere near ready to make that step. I was still in deep denial, and just getting acquainted with the constant blood work and dates with the vag cam.

I remember thinking to myself, maybe we'll 'come out' if we're still dealing with IF when NIAW comes around next year. Shit. .... Shit, shit, shit. NIAW 2014 is April 20th-26th. So here we are, still dealing with IF, and realizing that even if we ever "make it to the other side" our lives will still have been changed, scarred, forever by infertility. It doesn't matter how or if we become parents. My body will forever be on the black list of the reproductively challenged... I don't know if I will ever forgive my ovaries for their betrayal. I wonder if I'll ever learn to love my body again.

Starting around January, I had thoughts of making a slideshow about our journey. I have been and still am inspired by a fellow Dreamer who made a beautiful video about her journey. But when I sat down to work on our version, I have always come up with a blank. This just didn't feel like the way to tell our story.

My best friend's husband recently finished his basement with a home studio for making podcasts. We have been very open with them about our infertility, and they have both been tremendously supportive. I asked him if we could do a podcast about infertility to be published and posted for all of the world (meaning FACEBOOK!!!) to hear. He was on board with the idea right away.

But first, I had to talk to John about this idea. Obviously, this is not just my story to tell, and I didn't know how he'd feel about putting it out there for all of Facebook to hear. I love him so much. He says that he is ok with it, and that if it's something that I want to do (and that will make me feel better), then I have the green light.

The next step will be to come up with a list of topics for the podcast. I'd like to be very clear about what things are on the table for discussion, and what things are not. I already joked with my friend that we need to draw the line with how much of my vagina I will be at liberty to blab about. I told him that I couldn't believe that I just said 'vagina' to my best friend's husband. He joked back that I'll have to watch it, and that he runs a clean show. LOL! So I guess saying, "Fuck you, Infertility!" is out of the question. He said I might be able to get away with it a little deeper into the program, where the NSA won't find me ;)