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Friday, January 3, 2014

Clarity

Wow, last night I was in a complete rage. I was so upset by our crappy consultation with Dr. K, I couldn't think straight. I just needed some time to be pissed off, angry, and bitter.

I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around 1:00 in the morning. After moving over to bed, DH and I found ourselves unable to sleep. So we talked about the consult and made our peace with it.

We are too impressed with this clinic's embryology lab to let this one doctor turn us away. After thinking about what Dr. K was saying, I see that he wasn't saying no and that we are hopeless. He proposed a decent plan (actually almost identical to Dr. P's plan from Consult #1), he just had horrendous bedside manner. And is a lousy salesman. After the crazy fog lifted, I picked up the phone and scheduled a consultation with a different doctor in the practice. We shall see.

All things considered, if things don't pan out with the above-mentioned super clinic, we still have a really good option to explore with Dr. P. I have total confidence in Dr. P's plan for us. I'm just not so sure about his lab...

It's so hard. It shouldn't be this hard!! I resent almost everything about this journey... IF really breaks you down, and kicks you where it hurts over and over again. It's like our breaking point is a line in the sand... it might move from time to time, and we are constantly crossing back and forth. If infertility is consistent in one thing, it's consistently unstable.


10 comments:

  1. I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better about the consult and about your options in general. I have faith that your golden egg is coming to you. Sending lots of love your way, and I'm always here for you - to rage with, cry with, laugh with, sticker spam with - you need not make any apologies for the feelings you experience in this heart wrenching journey, not to us. Love you <3

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    1. <3 Thanks dear! Believe it or not, the sticker spam was the only thing that got me to crack a smile in my fury last night! LOL!! Love you!!!

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  2. Glad you are feeling better. So sorry you are having to deal with this. IF really does take a toll. Lots of love to you and keeping everything crossed this IUI works so you don't even have to worry about another IVF. :)

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    1. Yes, it does!! Wouldn't it be amazing if this IUI actually worked?! I would be absolutely shocked!

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  3. I'm so glad you're feeling better today. Hopefully the other doctor will have better bedside manners. Hugs! I still have everything crossed for you right now!

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  4. So sorry your consult didn't go better. This journey is so very hard. Hoping you find peace after your anger subsides…and that 2014 is good to you!

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    1. Thankfully the bulk of the anger has gone away, and now I am able to focus more on productive thoughts. I hope 2014 is kind to you too!!

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