Do not engage

I hate hormones. I hate infertility. I hate PMS. I hate everything right now. But mostly, I hate my piss-poor mood. I know it's PMS. There is a logical reason for this. But I hate it. I have tried so many things to lift out of it. And sometimes, I get a breath of fresh air. I get my head above the crazy fog. But then something stupid happens. And I get pulled back under.

I feel like a monster. My husband is completely lost; I feel so bad for him. I am trying to curb my emotions, and I think he is trying to help. But anytime he tries, he inevitably says something that sets me off and I turn into a psycho. Ugh. Then I feel guilty for bitching at him. It's a downward spiral. 

I know this is the PMS taking over. But I wonder... will this ever get better? I keep saying that I can't wait to have my babies so I can go back on the pill. The low dose of hormones over the 11 years on the pill kept me a lot more mellow... and minimized acne... and controlled the cramping of AF while eliminating O pains. I wonder if when I finally get back on it, if I'll be able to go back to my normal self....

Just a few more days until this PMS is in the past. I expect AF on Thursday. Just five more days of fighting the inner-psycho from unleashing. I hate this.