Half & Half

Throughout this 2WW I have been going back and forth. One moment, the glass is half empty; the next, it is half full. Over the past 24 hours, sadly it has shifted to be entirely empty. I'm all out of hope. And strangely, I'm sorta ok with it. I'm already looking forward to the next cycle (or actually, two cycles from now when we have a new plan. The next cycle will be IUI#3, and I've just had a gut feeling that these IUIs aren't going to work for us).

My usual PMS symptoms are in full swing, and I suspect that AF will be here either late tomorrow or early on Friday. 

In other news, John, Mocha & I are heading to the animal shelter in search of a furry brother for Mocha. I hope we find someone who will match our little family (and run with me!!). 

Losing the Battle to Stay Positive

I have genuinely been making an effort to replace every negative thought with a positive thought. Today, I am doing a bad job at it. Here's why:

• CD 21, 7 dpIUI
• Spotting yesterday (although it is possible that it was IB, it is not probable)
• PMS symptoms started yesterday and are intensifying today
• Today's temp dipped down to my cover line
• I just have a feeling...

Since I am not able to come up with any positive thoughts right now to replace the above, I'm going to get busy with my day. I get to see my beautiful, adorable niece and give her the Baptism gift that I made (pictures to follow). I get to spend time with my family. I wonder if Krissy will be showing... AH! I just caught myself with another negative thought. Erase, erase, erase!!! 

What the ??

Things have been pretty uneventful around here lately. I'm on CD 20, 6 dpIUI... la dee dah. I woke up early today to meet Rachel for a run. When I got home, I was getting ready to take a shower when I went to the bathroom. What the heck?! I was spotting. Not much, but definitely spotting. It is way too early for AF, though I wouldn't put it past her to pull a trick like this. I know it's rare, but I suppose I am in the window of time when it could be implantation bleeding. I certainly hope that's what it is, but I'm not going to hold my breath. There's nothing I can really do at this point, but to continue to wait. Here's hoping I make it to my testing day without AF cutting me off!!!

I'm back several hours later. Cue the cramping. Typical timing of this PMS symptom.

I am not making this stuff up...

Today was the Band Breakfast Party. I love that I get to treat my students after a year of hard work :) I know that they're getting a lot out of the program as it is, but this is just a simple gesture to say thanks for a year of before-school rehearsals, hundreds of practice minutes, and making the class a true joy. I spent two and a half hours making 84 Belgian waffles last night for the party. The kids were so excited :)

After the party was over, I was cleaning up and decided to move the leftovers to the Teacher's Room. My colleagues would surely enjoy the waffles (and they wouldn't all go to waste). That's when I noticed that there was already a little breakfast tray set up. That's no surprise; there is always food in the Teacher's Room. But the surprising part was that the breakfast was sponsored by the "Preggo Posse" of our school. Providing a thank you breakfast was really a sweet gesture, but you can imagine how it made me feel to see that sign. 

Signs explaining the treats in the Teacher's Room

One of the "Preggos" insisted that I add my name to the sign saying that the waffles, donuts, and fruit were brought in by me and not them. I didn't want to mess up their cute sign, so I added the post-it. The "Not Preggo!!" was an after-thought. A colleague saw the post-it before I added that and said, "Wait... you're pregnant?!?" Oh, no. That shit is going to stop right there. Let's make this perfectly clear that I am NOT pregnant. For now, I have to be happy with being in the "Wanna-be Preggo Posse."

::eyes rolling::

On Your Marks... Get Set...

IUI #2 is underway. I'm laying down on my favorite spot as I write this. The cramping is significant, but I'm trying to tough it out before taking any Tylenol. Mocha is curled up on top of me, cuddling up to my right side. Dog really is man's best friend.

It has been a stressful couple of days leading up to the IUI. On Friday night, we did our "homework assignment" before leaving the house to see a movie. I had planned to take the Ovidrel with me and do my trigger shot in the parking lot before going into the theater. But I forgot to take the Ovidrel out of the fridge before we left! As soon as I told John that I forgot the trigger at home, he made a U-turn to go back and get it. As we were driving back, I had the syringe in my hands to allow it to come up to room temperature. I was going over the instructions in my head, trying to remember all of the steps from the last time. As soon as John parked the car, I gave myself the injection then ran inside the theater. It is a miracle that we didn't miss a single second of the movie even though we were late. Thank goodness for the previews!

On a normal, non-medicated cycle, I experience O pains for about 5-6 days before, during, and after O. The meds exaggerate all of the pain and make it worse. I'm told that it's a good sign that the meds are working, so I do my best to manage the pain without complaining too much. As I was sitting in the movie theater, I was already feeling some mild cramping and the Ovidrel added a layer of nausea. Put that on top of the 3D glasses, and I was not feeling so hot. I ate some crackers, sipped some water, closed my eyes, and started to feel better by the time the opening credits were finishing up. I kid you not, the opening scene portrayed the birth of a baby. We were seeing Man of Steel so I wasn't expecting to see anything that would set me off in my frail IF state of mind. I guess not. The first ten minutes of the movie tell the story of Superman being born and his parents sending him away from Krypton. I cried silently behind my 3D glasses through the whole segment.

I spent all day yesterday curled up on the couch. The O pains just made me feel yucky :( Thankfully, we had no plans, so I was able to rest all day.

This morning was the IUI. John was doing his thing to collect his sample while I was in the shower. We were planning to drop it off together, go out to get breakfast at a diner nearby, then return to the office for my IUI. Halfway through my shower, John comes busting in to tell me that they screwed up the cup at the office. Apparently, there was no pink liquid in the cup. Ok, well, we can just call to find out if he should do an in-office collection. Nope, that wasn't going to work because he had already done the deed. Shit. I was so angry that we might have screwed it up. I wish he would have told me there was a problem BEFORE ejecting his sample. 

We drove in stark silence to the RE's office. I was fuming and furious. But when we got to the office, the receptionist assured us that it was ok. They were able to add the fluid after the fact, so we were ok. I was still nervous, but figured we'd find out if we were in trouble when we got his count back.

After breakfast, we went back for the IUI. The nurse came in to show us the tube with John's sample. 

Lucky charms adding good vibes to John's swimmers

41 million moving sperm! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the number! That was more than double the number we had for the last IUI.

As I was laying on the table, John was wandering around the room. If you know my DH, then you know that this is typical behavior. He truly has undiagnosed adult ADD, so whenever we go places, he wanders and explores. He weighed himself on the scale. He measured his height. Then he walked over to the ultrasound computer. Before I could stop him, he reached out his finger to touch the vag cam!!! I snapped at him to get his hands off! When I told him what that was for, he washed his hands and then stayed by my side the rest of the time. Every time I think of that moment, I have a hysterical fit of laughter. It was so funny!

I've named my two eggs Ziggy and Zaggy. I am hoping that one of John's swimmers are making their way as I type this. I have said before that I have a gut feeling that these IUIs aren't going to work. I hope I am wrong. Wish us luck!! And if you have the chance, please join me in our current chant:

Zig-zag, Ziggy & Zaggy!

32 - Taylor Swift 22 Music Video PARODY

BAHAHAHA!!! I just saw this for the first time and am literally rolling on the floor laughing! Every damn word is true. LOL

Making Lemonade

You know the saying:

"When life gives you lemons..."

Finish that statement however you want, but on most days I'm inclined to go with the cliche. (Though I have to say that I'm a fan of, "...make lemonade... and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.")

Today's lemons:

1. I inquired (yet again) at the RE's office about the necessity to curb the intensity of my running through all phases of my cycle. I thought it would be ok to push it whenever I have my period because maybe my ovaries wouldn't be so full and heavy without all those plump follies. Nope. Apparently, the ovaries are larger and heavier throughout the entire medicated cycle, and unfortunately there are no exceptions. Therefore, there is still the risk of an ovarian torsion. That means it is never ok to do a long run... or hill repeats... or a track session... or just open up my stride and run as fast as I can... at least not during a medicated cycle :( Somehow, I have to find a way to be happy with stupid, easy runs no longer than an hour. Humph. Clearly, I am bitter about that.
2. IUI #2 is scheduled on Sunday, which means we will have to cancel our plans for the morning. I was very much looking forward to seeing not one but two litters of golden retriever puppies with my FIL and his wife. It is also likely that I'll feel sick all day like I did for the last cycle. That's going to make our Father's Day dinner plans even more fun...

Today's lemonade:

1. I stopped at the running store on my way home, and could not resist the impulse to buy a new running skirt. It is adorable and I love it (hooray for retail therapy)! I tried it on at home rather than in the store (I'm such a lazy shopper). Given the fact that my O pains were getting more intense, I decided to go for a walk instead of a run. Might as well, I'm already half dressed for a workout, right? Bonus: Mocha could join me! We geared up. Leash, check. Pick-up Bags, check. Garmin Watch, check. iPhone & earbuds, check. The weather looked a little sketchy, so I grabbed the umbrella just in case. We were out exploring the neighborhood for about three quarters of a mile before the first droplets started to form. Mocha made friends with Murphy, an adorable Yorkshire terrier, then we started looking for the short cut back to our house. The rain was starting to pick up, so I thought we'd spare ourselves the extra mile if possible. That turned out to be quite an interesting adventure! We had to go through a few backyards belonging to neighbors that I've never met. I figured they'd pardon us for trespassing because of the rain. But the terrain was a little choppy, and we had to pass through some thorny shrubbery, a pile of large pine branches, and a few carelessly formed piles of cinder blocks. Mocha's a little dog, so there was no way she would have been willing or able to do all of that. But, you know me, I'm always up for a challenge, so I picked my muddy and wet dog up and carried her in one hand (umbrella and poop bag in the other) over our little obstacle course. It was so much fun!! When we got home, Mocha was in need of a bath. She's such a trooper! I rewarded her with a carrot after the little "torture session." She was very happy :)
2. If IUI #2 is a success, then John & I will be able to say that he became a father on Father's Day. How cool is that?! I hope this IUI works!!

Mocha all cleaned up after her bath and an example of our "obstacle course"

So there ya go. Lemonade! Mmmm, mmmm, good!